Ask Annie

1) Women in skirts bending over. Really? That is what lead someone to this blog? I'm not even dignifying that with a question. Ew.

2) Can Kaddish be said for anyone?

Define "anyone." Generally kaddish (a prayer recited in honor of the dead) is said only for immediate family and/or spouses, but some interpretations are broader than that. I know of a few Reform Jews who have said kaddish for friends, substituting the words "al yoshvei tevel" for "al kol yisrael." (All those who dwell on earth, as opposed to the entire nation of Israel).

3)Guilty pleasures Jews, or What guilty pleasures do Jews have?

I'd assume that that is a question you'd have to ask on a case-by-case basis, especially since guilt is so subjective.

4) Madame Butterfly Feminism, How can feminism be used as a lens through which to examine Madame Butterfly?

Well, the story lends itself to feminist criticism. The story is rife with issues of gender, including, but not limited to the sale of Butterfly to Pinkerton by the marriage broker, her total reliance on him for financial support, and the dynamics of divorce in Meiji Japan. Basically, Madame Butterfly would not be a feminist heroine. She waits for three years for her "husband" to return, and when he does, and requests sole custody of their only child (whom he has never met, nor had prior knowledge of) she gives in, and then kills herself. She isn't even angry at him, just sad. Lame.

5) Matzah, celiac, Can people with celiac disease eat Matzah?

They probably shouldn't. Celiac disease disrupts the absorption of nutrients into the small intestine, and is aggravated by gluten. People on a gluten-free diet could either try to get gluten-free matzah (matzah can be made out of any of 7 different grains, not just wheat), or just give it a pass. I wish that I could.

Ok, these are pretty lame. People, if you are going to find this blog through random search terms, at least they should be interesting.

But for the record, while we're talking about advice: Amy Dickenson is a jerk. For instance, in today's column I can't really disagree with her advice (much as I'd like to), but she calls one person "immature" and chastises the other for being "extremely wasteful." Abby would have gotten the point across in a much more tactful way.

Ask Annie

It's that time again! Hooray!

1) All your beis, I think that was meant to be Where can I find all your base are belong to us?

Don't worry, it's right here. For those not "in the know" it is a video made of a famous mistranslation of a Sega game from (I think) Japanese into English.

2) Motzei Shabbat practices, as in What are common motzei shabbat practices?

Some traditionally observant Jews have a melave malke, a party right after the end of the sabbath to celebrate, where there is food (often cake and candy) drink (alcohol and otherwise) and singing. There is a Chassidishe idea that one of the bones in your spine is sustained entirely by food eaten during the melave malke. Otherwise, it appears that Jews in NYC have a tradition of going out to the movies, specifically to the Lincoln Square Theater at 67th street.

3)Pronunciation Moadim, well ok, What is the pronunciation of moadim?

Mow-add-eeem. At least that is how mine sounds. CJ's is probably better.

4)Frum Jean Skirts, which is probably Why do so many frum girls wear jean skirts?

Ease. If you hold (as many do) that women can only wear skirts, and that those skirts must cover the knee, your sartorial choices are immediately limited. You see, most people in our culture, when dressing casually, wear jeans. They are easy to match, comfortable, and accessible. There is really no equivalent for skirts, so some genius created the jean skirt, a melding of the two. It functionally serves the same purpose, and allows for some variety in wardrobe between weekday/casual and dressy clothes.

5) wHY cANT jEWS mARRY nON Jews?

Why can't you capitalize properly? In all seriousness though, define "can't." Lots of Jews do marry non-Jews, haven't you read the recent scholarship? We LOVE exogamy. Continuity is a goal for many religious and ethnic groups. Endogamy is the quickest route to continuity, as it increases the likelihood that any progeny will be of the religious or ethnic group. So, if your goal is Jewish continuity, you should marry a Jew. If you don't care, or don't think that the religion has anything to offer, or you fall in love with a non-Jew, or a million other reasons, then you should marry the person with whom you fall in love, regardless of their background or beliefs. I will, however, add, that I think that it is easier to fall in love with/marry someone who shares your core beliefs. But, that's, just like, my opinion, man.

5) Do Jews wear engagement rings?

Ha. Do we ever. It isn't a part of Jewish law, but many Jews do give/receive engagement rings, to show love and affection, as a sign that the person is "taken," a status symbol, or a combination of all of the above. Diamonds are preferred, and the bigger the better. Ok, so maybe I'm just a bit jaded. At any rate, a wedding ring (at least the one given at the ceremony, and according to Jewish law) is not supposed to have gems in it, and should be plain gold metal. However, afterwards, one can wear whatever they'd like, or even nothing at all.

6) How much is a roll of quarters at a bank?

$10. You pay for the exact value of the quarters. At least at your bank that's how it works.

7) And, via email: What's the best way to snag a hot Jewish girl?

Tough one, actually. This write-in is from "godless and lonely" so I am assuming atheist. As per my earlier statements, he should probably find one who isn't so invested in Jewish continuity, or endogamy. Then woo her according to her interests and proclivities. For instance, CJ took me out for beer, good music, and conversation about WWII strategy. Harley was won over by sweet words, a manly physique, and general good-humor. Unless I've misread this question, and it really means "how do I hookup with a hot Jewish girl?" in which case I refuse to answer. If you don't have enough game to score a hot Jewish girl, I'm not giving you an in lest "too light winning make the prize light."

That's all I've got for now.

Ask Annie

Hooray Wednesday! You know what time it is? (right now I am resisting the urge to say "game time") Time for me to answer the questions that I think brought people to the blog. So here we go:

1) Where did Gary Gulman go to High School?

I have absolutely no idea.

2) Jews Love Florida, which could be either "why" or "do", I'll go with Why do Jews Love Florida?

I can't say historically, but my best guess is that many older Jews, after working unbelievably hard for years (to secure their children's future, of course) wanted somewhere to retire. Preferrably somewhere warm. California wasn't really an option 50 years ago, as it was super-goyishe, whereas there was some pre-existing Jewish community in Florida. As immigrant trends show, immigrants are more likely to move to a city where they already know someone, or where they know that there is an ethnic infastructure, in this Jews are no different. Why do you think that New York is so Jewy? Lots of people came through Ellis Island, but they didn't all stay. Anyway, once the trend started it seemed attractive, goods and services were provided, all making Florida a more attractive place to go.

3) Were Jews slaves in Egypt?

Depends on whom you ask. The bible says yes. Archaeology, well, archaeologists, naked or otherwise, disagree. There is some proof that Hebrews were slaves in Egypt, or that some major cities (like Pithom and Ramases) were built in large part by slave labor. However, it is up for debate. Whether or not the Exodus happened as the bible tells it, well, that is even more of a dicey issue. There is a guy in New Jersey (whose name I have forgotten) that wrote a piece on how archaeology can be folded into belief, and what you do when it buttresses the holy works, and what you do when it contradicts them. Really interesting stuff. If only I could remember his name.

4) Definition of Hecksher/heksher, what is the?

A heksher, or hecksher, or hechsher is a symbol that represents rabbinic oversight of a product (usually food) and certifies the product as kosher according to that authority. These symbols come in a variety of shapes, colors, sizes, which tell you not only where the product was certified, but the rabbi who did it. There is a new movement to include concerns of economic justice in hekshers, ie the Conservative movement's Tzedek heksher, which would mean that not only was the product certified as kosher, but also that the work environment was safe, clean, and the employees paid a fair wage. I'm all about economic justice, so I think that this is a good idea.

5) Amy Odell, which probably is Who is Amy Odell?

An NYU grad, currently blogger for Jewcy, and writer of my least favorite dating column. In her defense, I don't mind the writing style, just the content.

6) problem of segregation slavery. WHAT? I have no idea what this person is asking. Maybe: is segregation, and slavery still a problem?

Yeah. Slavery still exists in the world. And it is hugely problematic. There is sex-slavery, child-slavery, and good 'ol fashioned slavery. If you want to do something about it, a good first stop is IRC, whose anti-Darfur ads you may have seen in the NYC subway. They do some great work. As for segregation, although in the US there is no longer de jure segregation, de facto segregation is still alive and well, white flight anyone? The best way to combat these issues, which are now socio-economic class based as opposed to primarily race-based (although race is still a factor) is with a living wage, as opposed to a minimum wage, and to campaign for economic justice. Hopefully with better health care, and fairer wages, we can avoid stories like this one from WashPo.

7) non-traditional Jewish wedding, which I am guessing is What is a non-traditional Jewish wedding?

A better question is what isn't a non-traditional Jewish wedding. When you talk about non-traditional, you are defining by absence, so it is the absence of some/most Jewish wedding traditions. As Jewish weddings have changed over time, and vary by geographic region, so this is rather difficult. The only constants in a Jewish wedding are the three metrics by which a person is known to be married: the exchange of a ring/item of value coupled with a sentence recognizing that the bride is seperate/holy to the groom from among all others; the signing of, and presentation of a contract by the groom to the bride; and yichud, which I would rather not explain. Yeah, traditional Jewish weddings are not so romantic. "Here you go honey, a contract that gives you 150 (350?) talents of silver in the occasion of my death or if I divorce you. Hang on to that. Oh, also, some guy is going to read it aloud. And you will be referred to as "maiden."

Awesome. Also, for the record, if you have any actual questions for me (or Harley) either post them as comments, or email us: Jewbiquitous@gmail.com We promise not to judge, nor use your name if you don't want it.

Ask Annie

No, I am not trying to copy Shifra, Margo Howard, Emily Yoffe, a ninja, or even the despised Amy Dickenson (can you tell that I love advice columns?). Instead I will try to figure out what question brought people to this blog, and answer it.

Here goes:
1) What does b'sheret mean?

Well, basically it means "fated" or "meant to be" and is often referred to in the context of a soulmate. Your b'sheret is your soulmate. However, if something is b'sheret, it is meant to be.

2) Jews and Diamonds. I think that the question is What is the connection between Jews and diamonds?

Tiffany Shlain's movie The Tribe answers this question quite well. Basically, at several points in history European Jews were forbidden from owning land, from attending university, or from practicing many professions. As a result Jews were forced into professions such as usury (money-lending being forbidden by the New Testament) or portable professions, such as goldsmithing, silversmithing, and gem-cutting. Hence the connection between Jews and diamonds. This connection is often referenced in pop culture when talking about the Holocaust. See the movie Inside Man for an example.

3) Jews looking like Italians, which I can only assume is meant to be Do Jews look like Italians?

The answer is both yes, and no. First of all Italians look different depending on the region of Italy. Some Northerners are blonde, with blue eyes, while Southerners (such as Sicilians) tend to have dark, curly hair and swarthy skin. Italians really run the gamut of looks. Secondly, Jews look like the people among whom they lived. So, Eastern European Jews tend to look a lot like other Eastern Europeans. As Jews in the United States are largely from this region (I think) it stands to reason that many people believe that Jews look one way. This is obviously not the case. There are Jews of color (for instance, my Chilean, and Venezuelan second cousins) from all over the world, and "white" Jews whose appearance does not match the stereotype. For instance, I am tall, with straight hair, a small nose, and green eyes, Harley is a redhead, and CJ is a blonde with blue eyes. So yeah, there are probably some Italians that we look like (Prettyboy is also blonde, so there's one example).

4) Condition of Stuart Sarshik?

He seems to be fine, and practicing medicine (urology) in Blue Bell, Pennsylvania. Thanks for asking.

5) Jewish term Machlokes, which I am taking to mean What does the term machlokes mean?

Machlokes is the Ashkenazic pronounciation of the Hebrew word machloket, which means disagreement. The term is often used in the Talmud to signify a difference of opinion between two sages.

and last, but not least:

6) Shirtless JT. JT, you want to handle this one? Clearly there are some ladies (gentlemen?) out there who sweat you hardcore. Or Justin Timberlake. Either or.