Chanukkah: Presents Recieved

For those of you who didn't read all the way through it, Dave Barry's gift guide had some gems. Or so CJ thought, as he purchased the following gifts for me:

The Marie Antoinette doll, complete with ejector head.

A Jane Austen Action Figure

And last, but not least, this "unintentionally hilarious" guide to courtship, entitled:

Thanks, sweet pea.

(disclaimer: CJ does not know that I have a blog)

Chanukkah: Presents, Part II

Laurel Snyder of Jewcy asks if we can justify giving Chanukkah gifts. If you can, and you want to give something cheap/absurd, here are some sources to check out:

Slate's last-minute drugstore gift guide

Dave Barry's desperation gift guide

I read the latter aloud to CJ, and had to stop, gasping for breath, between laughs. So if anyone is looking for a gift for me, I'd really like the ride-on cooler.

Chanukkah: Presents

The most fun part of Chanukkah for many children, and, lets be honest, most adults too. Unless you, like Harley, are playing strip-dreidl, it is possibly the most boring game in existance, and like War (the card game, not the Iraq) in its endlessness.

David A. Wilensky, blogging for Jewcy complains that "the day that someone told me that not only is the practice of Hanukkah gift-giving uniquely American, but that it is a patronizing practice designed to keep Jewish kinderlach from feeling left out around Christmas," was a "tramatic" one. Jewfaq of Jewish in a Gentile World takes a more sympathetic view, and tells a story from college about how some unaffiliated Jews connect to the holiday, and really want a Jewish holiday to compete with Christmas. Smeliana of Smelblog posts a song that her father (a Reform Rabbi) has composed in honor of the gift-giving season.


Cori of Am Israel Chai talks about what it feels like to be an "adult" buying Chanukkah gifts for kids. Daniel S. of The Kentucky Democrat, like many before him, notes that "Jews get practical presents" for Chanukkah, a trend that I have definitely observed in my own life. Eliot of Fasthugs points out that Jews are also well-known gamblers, so the targeted advertising for "Xtreme Dreidl Raffle" is totally warranted, and is sure to be super-succesful.

Last, but not least, Slate has an article on how much satisfaction people get from presents. The answer? 20% less than the worth of the gift. And for the record, I am an awesome gift-giver. Just ask Harley.

Chanukah Blog Tour 5767

Harley and I were not the cool kids in high school, so when Amy Guth asked for bloggers to participate, we jumped at the chance to sit at the cool table. Here is our entry for the 6th night:

1. Quick! You must turn a plate of latkes into an upscale gourmet delight
(as if they aren't already?). What would you add to them to dress them up,
flavor and/or garnish them?

Harley: I would make them from kale and parsnips, and drizzle them in a sundried tomato balsamic reduction.
Annie: I don't really do upscale gourmet, so I'd probably just throw in some scallions and call it a day. Or maybe serve them with sliced turkey and cranberry sauce. Chanukkah/Christmas turkey is traditional in my community.
Harley: That is not true, when you write what I say, it is straight and to the point, when you write what YOU say, it is all fancy-pants-y. I am not ok with this.

2. What is the dumbest thing you've ever heard anyone say about Chanukah?

Harley: Pretty boy thought that dreidls were a Jewish symbol, and not just for Chanukkah. That was pretty funny. The usual, "is that the day that Moses died and rose from the dead?"
Annie: I've never heard that one. Not really about Chanukkah, as much as Channukah-related, someone asked if topless olive oil wrestling could be considered a legitimate observance of the holiday.
Harley: Isn't it?
Annie: No.

3. What's the best possible use for olive oil?

See above.

4. Settle it once and for all. Latkes or hammentaschen? Which to you
prefer? What about pitting the winner of that contest against sufganiyot?

Annie: Latkes. Hammentaschen are like pizza, better in theory than in practice.
Harley: Latkes, because I can make them as well as eat them.
Annie: I don't love sufganiyot. I prefer my desserts to be chocolate in nature.
Harley: That is unfair, I refuse to answer that, it is like Sophie's Choice.

5. What's the best way to mix up a game of dreidel?

Harley: The easy answer is strip dreidl, but I feel like that is expected.
Annie: Not by me, I was going to say "add alcohol."
Harley: Boring. It isn't fun unless you're naked. This is how we know you're frum.

6. My novel, Three Fallen Women, shockingly enough, is about the lives of
three women. Which three women would you like to have over this year for
latkes and why?

Annie: Gloria Steinem, Golda Meir, and my mom, because she is awesome.
Harley: My boss, the other woman in my office, and Annie.
Annie: Harley, you can come too to mine. You and Golda Meir can get down.
Harley: I think that Gloria and I would get along well. She would probably dig my groove.
Annie: I am so uncool, I don't even know what that means.

7. Other than Three Fallen Women (har har), what book do you think would
make a great Chanukah gift this year? What book would you like to receive
as a gift this year?

Annie: I gave the boy that I am dating a copy of Pride and Prejudice, since he has never read it, and also Persuasion, because it is my favorite.
Harley: My perennial book gift is The Master and Margarita by Bulgakov. It is not my favorite, but up there.
Annie: Spell Margarita.
Harley: Have you not read it?
Annie: No.
Harley: I know what you're getting for Chanukkah. And my sister got me The Other Boleyn Sister.
Annie: I'm reading that right now, we should get married.

8. What bloggers didn't participate in Chanukah Blog Tour 5767 and you
think should have?

Smeliana of Smelblog
Rachel of We Will Study and We Will Do
David Kelsey of Kvetcher
Da Boys of 905

Go check out Amy Guth's blog Big Mouth Indeed Strikes Again. Also, buy her book. And check out the other bloggers who answered this meme. I'll list them when I have names.

6th Night Bloggers:
Therapy Doc from Everyone Needs Therapy
Minor Fast Days of Minor Fast Days
Arwen of Anthropologist for Corporate America
Grichu of Grichu's World
Nani of Placeholder

Chanukkah: Chanukiah Part II

First of all, I'd like to post a message that Yitz Jordan, aka Y-Love sent to Harley and myself, and a number of other bloggers. According to him: A set of ready-to-light Chanukah lights are a potential fire hazard and are causing damage to homes which use them. This product must be removed from Jewish stores at once. Chanukah Oil Candles as distributed by Ahron's Judaica are a potentially life-threatening hazard. He even provides some rather harrowing images of the melted candles on a menorah.

Secondly, on a more positive note (sort of) my Mom bought me a Chanukiah. Cute, right? She bought me a very pretty silver one, complete with candles; the type that you can keep for a lifetime. The only issue? It isn't kosher.

This is a kosher chanukiah. See how all of the branches are at the same height? All eight in a line? With an extra higher/same height shamash (worker candle)? That is basically all that is required.

Below is an image of the chanukiah that I recieved. In a Madden-esque touch, I've circled the relevant parts.
See how the branches are of differing heights? And how there are only eight branches? Pretty, but unkosher. Now, I do not blame my mother for this. Her formal Jewish education is limited, and she has learned what she can as an adult. You know who I do blame? West Side Judaica. They sold my mother an unkosher chanukiah without even mentioning: "hey, not sure if you care, but thought that you might want to know, this chanukiah does not fulfill the mitzvah of lighting candles on Chanukkah." Seriously, that was jerk of them. So now I have to bring it back, which I HATE doing, a) because now my mom feels like an idiot, b) because I hate returning things, and c) because it is f*ing heavy.

Chanukkah: Chanukiah

The Chanukiah, often incorrectly referred to as a Menorah (Menorah has 7 branches, Chanukiah has 9) is the most recognized symbol of the holiday. It is traditional to light candles (one more each night) and then place the Chanukiah in a window so that passersby may see it. Which actually makes for an interesting point: the display of a Chanukiah is integral to its use during the holiday. This seems to add a new dimension to the "Christmas trees and Chanukiahs in public" debate, that has most recently flared up at the Seattle Sea Tac Airport.

I get the feeling that Chanukiahs are like lighters. Either you have 30 million around your house, or none. My apartment has a grand total of zero Chanukiyot, and since we are crafty, I am thinking about maybe making one. Jewschool gave examples of two d.i.y. Chanukiyot: an unkosher LED one, and a kosher mah jong one. Rabbi Yonah of Jewlicious posted a week or two ago about NPR's Ornament/Kinara/Chanukiah-making contest. Let's just say that I am not THAT arty, unless I could knit a Chanukiah, which, to be honest, sounds like an awful idea. Lloyd Alter of Treehugger posts the MANorah, and its counterpart a sparkly, rhinestoned FEMENorah. Don't get me started on traditional gender roles, and the gender binary inherent in these Chanukiyot, all I want to say is that my Mom, a true aishet chayil*, took a plumbing class two years ago, and can sauter pipe with the best of them.

While my craft skills might not be useful vis a vis Chanukiyot, other people are significantly more talented. For instance Daniel the Potter posted pictures on his Potsblog of himself making a Chanukiah. I am mad jealous.

If you are looking for inspiration, Angel of Woman Honor Thyself has posted photos of public Chanukiyot around the world. By the same token Millevitoria of Um Universo Em Mininiatura posted some images of beautiful traditional Chanukiyot. And in a return to traditionalism Wandering Stu will be using Olive Oil to light his Chanukiah this year.

*An aishet chayil is a woman of valor. There is a song, traditionally sung on Friday nights by the man of house to his wife of the same name. It lists the qualities of a woman of valor, which include, but are not limited to: the ability to make cloth of crimson, industriousness, loyalty. For the record, I could totally make some kickass crimson cloth.

Chanukkah: Latkes

Ain't no party like a Chanukkah party, cause a Chanukkah party don't stop.

Or something like that. In any case, the roommates and I are having a Chanukkah party, so we are trying to test-drive latke recipes. To do so I've been scouring the internet (and the recipe boxes of friends' mothers) to find a good one. If you have a suggestion, please send it my way.

Anyway, on to the blogging. Firstly, according to C. Buddha of Hasty Musings "the first-ever Hanukkah latke recipe featured turnips, rhubarb and kale. These proved so unpopular that many different vegetables were substituted until the current potato version prevailed." While that may not be true, there seems to be a movement towards alternative latkes. For instance Vegetarian Holidays highlights a sweet potato latke recipe. Which sounds too much like a dessert for my taste. EBT Blue has a recipe on his/her blog for sweet potato latkes that seem a bit less fussy, but still too sweet. Also I dislike cooked fruit. And last of the sweet potato contenders, amalia of clipmarks has a recipe that seems like normal latkes, just with sweet potatoes substituted in.

NYC Nosh has a recipe that is so good that they claim Bubbes* use it instead of their own. I take leave to doubt that, but it does look tasty.Melissa Barton of The Love of Spice has a recipe that looks frighteningly easy. Glenny's, a health food maker has posted a recipe for cheese latkes complete with nutritional information. Really, I didn't want to know. I don't know where in the world to find brown rice flour, but if I did, I could make Anne-Marie Nichols' (of This Mama Cooks) latke recipe.

If you want something sort of like latkes Steven of Renegade Kosher Cooking has a recipe for a latke casserole. I would say that Jessica of Suburban Kvetch, who makes latkes from a mix also falls into the "something sort of like latkes category." Sorry! I just don't trust reconstituted vegetable matter.

And last, but not least, the "classic" latke recipes. Allergic Girl of Please Don't Pass the Nuts links to the NYTimes recipe. Foodie of The Cookbook claims that this is THE classic latke recipe, which having read many, I feel free to dispute, as it does not contain matzo meal. Apparently matzo meal is integral to many latke recipes. Who knew? Sarah Reznor of Sector-9 might disagree, she has a recipe which strips down the latke to the bare basics: potato, egg, onion. And last, but not least, if those latkes in the photo are actually from Debbie of Words to Eat By's recipe, then we may have a winner.

*Bubbe is Yiddish for grandmother

Channkah: Presents

For those who are unfamilar with the story of the Festival of Lights, it has NOTHING to do with presents. The Maccabees did not defeat King Antiochus, clean up and resanctify the temple, and then exchange gifts. If you just want to take one part of the holiday out of context and celebrate that, fine, you can go have some donuts (sufganiyot) with Michael* of KosherEucharist. Although, for the record I am kind of jealous of Jameel, who can light his menorah with home-grown/picked/pressed olive oil, all from the land of Israel.

That said, I really enjoy presents. While I realize that might sound a bit, oh, materialistic, that is not how it is meant. I like to give/recieve small random gifts. Just something to tell the person that you were thinking about them, and that you appreciate them. So, if you are someone who wanted to get me a present, here are a few hints:

1) Books. They are an expensive habit, but one that I can't seem to break. And the New York Public Library branches aren't that awesome. At least not the ones nearest me.

2) Things that I specifically will like. (None of these, although judging from this list the Onion has a very interesting demographic. Actually that is not true. The Dick Tracy graphic novel looks interesting.)

3) Toy fighter planes/tanks/destroyers. Not a joke, I find these gifts endlessly amusing. Variants that I've particularly enjoyed: picture of a friend on an anchor, blue angels mardi gras beads, cast iron MiG.

*I am in no way trying to cast aspersions on Michael's observance, or lack thereof of the holiday. He had just posted about donuts, and also I wanted to link to him.