I get stupid when I'm fasting (although not too hungry, so it isn't so bad from a meditation/prayer standpoint), so not so much blogging today. Also I'm not really sure how I feel about blogging today.
At any rate, I heard Eicha read last night, and it was pretty bad. The guys doing the reading didn't read loudly or clearly enough, and worst of all, from my standpoint, was the fact that they did it tonelessly. The trope used for Eicha is sad and haunting, and really sets the tone for the day. Between that and the Rabbi's assertion that this generation "doesn't feel anything" I left davening more in the mood to make snarky comments than mourn the temple.
If only I was back at camp, and standing outside watching the word "zachor" (remember) burn until it went out. Even reading by the light of candles/flashlights, or a single sad song (like Keli Tzion) might have helped. Or not being told that I don't have any feelings, and that I should cry for some guy with cancer. Yeah, synagogue was a bust for me last night.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
MO Schooling MO Problems
There's been much discussion about Noah Feldman's article in the New York Times over the weekend. Feeling vaguely left out, Annie and I joined in the fray (nothing will make you concise when blogging when you have lots and lots of deadlines breathing down your neck.):
Annie: You don't send your kids to Jewish day school to make them marry Jews, you send them to day school to teach them Jewish content: Talmud, Bible, Hebrew, maybe even some Aramaic. By any metric, Noah is a success: he is a well-respected academic, clearly not lost to the Jewish community and knowledgeable about Jewish texts. There are other aspects to sending your kids to a day school: different ideas about how to study texts often correlate to different practices (such as for modesty, kashrut, etc), but the straight up goal of sending your kid to day school is for the education. You send them to certain schools because they fit with your beliefs and lifestyle, but it is your responsibility as a parent to reinforce them at home.
Harley: [Playing devil’s advocate] Does Jewish education begin and end with Jewish texts? Wouldn't many argue that it's also as much about what happens between classes? You did mention, when we discussed this article earlier, that a private school has a right to make whatever policies it deems appropriate.
Annie: Vis a vis admission and during the school year
Harley: Surely, an Orthodox school, then, has a right to make policy that affects how it portrays alumni.
Annie: It just seems silly and bitter to cut him out of the picture
Harley: But consonant with their goals. Edogamy is a central Jewish value to them
Annie: Would they have done so if she'd been white and non-Jewish?
Harley: That's an extremely important question that we discussed earlier when I asked if they knew she wasn’t Jewish or assumed it because of her ethnicity.
Annie: [I think the fact] that it's all about appearances is silly. They don't actually reach out to him to encourage his wife to convert. They just pretend he never went to school there. That is an absurd policy. They can do what they want, but it isn't in their best interests. Are they going to cut out gay kids too? How about kids that don't keep strictly kosher? We are none of us done with our lives. It seems silly to cut someone off at this point
Harley: To be fair to everyone [ha! Irony!], they'll have to cut out anyone who doesn't overtly jive with their ideals. You know that it's more about what you appear to be doing than what you do (e.g., lined stockings to demonstrate that you are wearing stockings). I don't mean that it's about hypocrisy, but from their vantage point, it's about community solidarity. He's overtly transgressing with someone who can't pass, which goes back to the first part of our discussion and makes the racism overt.
Annie: I think that they still wouldn't have announced the marriage in their bulletins
Harley: : I wasn't suggesting they would. Would this be an issue if she had been dressed in a traditional orthodox manner?
Annie: The picture clearly has a race element, but yes, I think that if they were married, and she was wearing a sheitel or scarf,then she'd be in.
Harley: They were dating, though, so it's beside the point.
Annie: That is why this is so silly. what about couples that are touching (pre-marriage) are they in the picture? That's a clear transgression. The responses [on other blogs] clearly assume that by marrying a non-Jew he is totally and completely abandoning his Jewish heritage. I disagree. We each have our own lines in the sand of what we observe, don't observe, feel, believe, etc.
Harley: As you know, I agree with you about whether or not he's abandoning his Jewish heritage, but you cannot argue that the school isn't making a slew of determinations about what's appropriate within their walls that fall within the realm of family/personal observance choices, such as shomer negiah and sniut. Th alumni newsletter is another facet of something being in their school;it's an extension. I don't think they were right, but I also think exogamy is wrong and I don't agree with the tenets of orthodoxy, so...
Annie: M point isn't that it was incompatible with their beliefs, but with the responses. I think that Maimo can print whatever they want. I think that it is silly, and actually counterproductive, but their right. I'm instead disagreeing with the responses of people who say that he "failed" as a product of an Modern Orthodox school, either by outmarrying, or by not keeping kosher or abandoning Judaism, or whatever.
Harley: Ah, I got it. Then I'm playing devil's advocate past you. It it goes back to the question of what the purpose of Jewish day school is: is it having Jewish knowledge? Jewish content? Both? Is Jewish knowledge meaningful without the content. I say yes, of course, but I'm guessing these people would disagree and say that a successful pupil is one that knows and practices
Annie: But he might practice. Maybe they keep taharat ha mishpacha*. In the era of concubinage, marrying a non-Jew was less problematic, as long as she doesn't worship idols in their home. Maybe he keeps kosher and Shabbat and davens three times a day. Judaism can still provide the backbone of your life
Harley: The Autodidact (who also sent me a link to this article) had a really good comment on Noah’s article. He said (paraphrasing here) that most of the point of the article rings true, even if some of his arguments are sloppy (re: fundamentalism and how he connects Modern Orthodoxy to Baruch Goldstein), but what angered him the most was “this total disregard for liberal religion." In reference to the Emes Ve-Emunah blog, it's absurd to talk about a Jew "lost to Judaism," but that thinking is endemic to the endogamy discussion, which is a huge factor in Jews disengaging in Jewish life
Annie: Yeah, you can say that he's no longer Modern Orthodox, so if the school exists to indoctrinate kids into Modern Orthodoxy, then yeah, it failed. But if it exists to teach kids the Modern Orthodox hashkafa* so that they then have the tools to live in the modern world, it did fine. CJ and I hold hands, and I have a belly ring, and my Rav still talks to me on a regular basis. CJ even spent a summer trying unkosher meat, to see what it was like. We're still in the fold. If I got a tattoo, would I be "out?"
Harley: Think of the discussion that I've been having with Prettyboy about conversion. It would make sense in terms of raising our kids with Jewish ritual, if I chose that. I like the idea of him learning Judaism and being conversant in it, so if we do have a kid, he can help pass what I think are some good traditions and interesting history on to our kid (if we have one), but I'm totally uncomfortable with the idea that he has to convert for us to be acceptable and for our kids not to be mamzerim, apparently. That's huge and disturbing and enough to turn me off of the idea entirely, not to mention the community. As I said to my mom earlier today, the reasons for [Prettyboy] not to convert are mostly that I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of him taking on this identity when I don't think it should be necessary for us to marry and raise Jewish children (if we decide to have them).
Annie: I'd accept you. I'd even let my kids marry your kids if they wanted to, but that's because I'm pretty liberal and accept other types of Judaism as not only viable, but authentic; but I think that I'm actually not Modern Orthodox. I'm my own denomination. Let's call it "Jewish" and leave it there
*Taharat ha Mishpacha are the laws of family purity and refer to the laws governing sexual relations between two married people.
*Hashkafa are your personal beliefs and observances
Jews Love: Harry Potter
Except in Israel, which, as we all know by now, had some issues with the release date. You know, because it desecrated the holy sabbath.
I would like it to be known that I refrained from opening/reading my copy until the end of the holy sabbath. For reals, yo.
And now, the round-up (done quickly because I am super tired):
Jack liked the book, but didn't love it.
Pedant found it anti-climactic.
CK of Jewlicious reported on the Israel/release issue, and its coverage by Gawker (which I have been boycotting for a few months now, due to the increase in offensive content, and decrease in amusement value).
And, if only to make DK crazy, Rabbi Jack Abramowitz of NCSY has appropriated Harry Potter as a series that contains many Jewish values.
That last reminds me of a class I took in High School, it was "Biblical Themes in Film." Basically we watched a number of movies, and then the principal's wife (who served no other useful purpose in the school, as far as I can tell) stretched plot points and "symbols" to make them relevant to the New Testament.
Case in point: the movie Nell. Seriously? A woman who has lived alone in the woods after being raised by a woman with a stroke, and as a result cannot speak so well. What does this have to do with Christ? Nothing I could tell. Needless to say, I, and my other non-Christian classmate (Muhammed. No joke, that's his name.) objected to some of the theories. I did not do so awesomely in that class.
Apologies for the lack of Microsoft paint edited images of Harry Potter, but it's been done already. Both Jewschool and Jewlicious have images of Potter wearing a kippah, and anything more creative than that is really beyond me.
I would like it to be known that I refrained from opening/reading my copy until the end of the holy sabbath. For reals, yo.
And now, the round-up (done quickly because I am super tired):
Jack liked the book, but didn't love it.
Pedant found it anti-climactic.
CK of Jewlicious reported on the Israel/release issue, and its coverage by Gawker (which I have been boycotting for a few months now, due to the increase in offensive content, and decrease in amusement value).
And, if only to make DK crazy, Rabbi Jack Abramowitz of NCSY has appropriated Harry Potter as a series that contains many Jewish values.
That last reminds me of a class I took in High School, it was "Biblical Themes in Film." Basically we watched a number of movies, and then the principal's wife (who served no other useful purpose in the school, as far as I can tell) stretched plot points and "symbols" to make them relevant to the New Testament.
Case in point: the movie Nell. Seriously? A woman who has lived alone in the woods after being raised by a woman with a stroke, and as a result cannot speak so well. What does this have to do with Christ? Nothing I could tell. Needless to say, I, and my other non-Christian classmate (Muhammed. No joke, that's his name.) objected to some of the theories. I did not do so awesomely in that class.
Apologies for the lack of Microsoft paint edited images of Harry Potter, but it's been done already. Both Jewschool and Jewlicious have images of Potter wearing a kippah, and anything more creative than that is really beyond me.
Every Book Should be Annotated
No, for real. I just finished reading The Annotated Pride and Prejudice (by Jane Austen, edited by David M Shapard) and it was awesome.
There is text on one page, and notes on the facing page. The notes are: "Explanations of historical context, Citations from Austen’s life, letters, and other writings, Definitions and clarifications, Literary comments and analyses, Maps and illustrations of places and objects mentioned in the novel, An introduction, a bibliography, and a detailed chronology of events."
Basically it was awesome. If I hadn't read the book before it might have been a bit distracting, but as I am familiar with the story it was terrific. I know so much more about Jane Austen, her life, and times than I did before.
There is text on one page, and notes on the facing page. The notes are: "Explanations of historical context, Citations from Austen’s life, letters, and other writings, Definitions and clarifications, Literary comments and analyses, Maps and illustrations of places and objects mentioned in the novel, An introduction, a bibliography, and a detailed chronology of events."
Basically it was awesome. If I hadn't read the book before it might have been a bit distracting, but as I am familiar with the story it was terrific. I know so much more about Jane Austen, her life, and times than I did before.
"Dumb Laws?"
AM New York had a piece this morning about NY's "dumb laws." While I agree that there are many stupid laws out there (like the ones that prohibit swearing in front of women, or using donkeys on Sunday) many of these seemed to have a purpose. To wit:
"Dumb laws in New York City that have been passed (some have been repealed):
* A law restricting homeowners and storekeepers from using a hose to clean the sidewalk (these hoses can cause a slippery walkway, get pedestrians wet, and don't really "clean" the sidewalk, they just move the dirt into the street)
* A law requiring property owners to be responsible for keeping the street clean up to 18 inches in front of the curb in front of their property (in this case, clean probably means free of business-related debris. You know, to keep them from just discarding garbage out front, and obstructing the walkway.)
* A law requiring bars to obtain a license for a second pool table (this just seems like a way to raise revenue)
* A law requiring taverns to post 'no spitting' signs (part of a bygone era. But as anyone who has lived in an Asian city can testify, those people who do spit in public make it super-gross.)
* A law forbidding putting on puppet shows in windows (again, this could be to keep them from blocking the street, or to save children from poorly performed theater.)"
There are a couple other examples in the article, but most of them seemed to have a purpose. Yeah, it is probably annoying to obey them, but most are well-intentioned. The only one that really ticked me off is that the following was categorized as a "dumb" law:
"establish stiff fines for defacing U.S. flags on private property that are on par with those reserved for hate crimes against religious institutions."
What is the problem with that? Seriously? If someone were to deface the American flag outside my house it would feel invasive, offensive, and in general just upsetting. Any person who does such a thing is not only committing an act of vandalism, but is making a statement about my right to free speech.
Long story short? AM New York is dumb.
"Dumb laws in New York City that have been passed (some have been repealed):
* A law restricting homeowners and storekeepers from using a hose to clean the sidewalk (these hoses can cause a slippery walkway, get pedestrians wet, and don't really "clean" the sidewalk, they just move the dirt into the street)
* A law requiring property owners to be responsible for keeping the street clean up to 18 inches in front of the curb in front of their property (in this case, clean probably means free of business-related debris. You know, to keep them from just discarding garbage out front, and obstructing the walkway.)
* A law requiring bars to obtain a license for a second pool table (this just seems like a way to raise revenue)
* A law requiring taverns to post 'no spitting' signs (part of a bygone era. But as anyone who has lived in an Asian city can testify, those people who do spit in public make it super-gross.)
* A law forbidding putting on puppet shows in windows (again, this could be to keep them from blocking the street, or to save children from poorly performed theater.)"
There are a couple other examples in the article, but most of them seemed to have a purpose. Yeah, it is probably annoying to obey them, but most are well-intentioned. The only one that really ticked me off is that the following was categorized as a "dumb" law:
"establish stiff fines for defacing U.S. flags on private property that are on par with those reserved for hate crimes against religious institutions."
What is the problem with that? Seriously? If someone were to deface the American flag outside my house it would feel invasive, offensive, and in general just upsetting. Any person who does such a thing is not only committing an act of vandalism, but is making a statement about my right to free speech.
Long story short? AM New York is dumb.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Since U Been Gone
Sorry for the long absence. I took 3 days off from work (to use up my vacation before moving to a new job), and managed to schedule them so that CJ did too. We basically spent the last three days playing in the city.
Things we did (mostly not so nine days appropriate, but I comforted myself with the fact that it was bittersweet, since I will never have time off again):
1) visited the Natural History Museum. The Butterfly Exhibit was closed, which sucked, and the Mythic Creatures "exhibit" is actually just a movie. That you have to pay extra for. LAME. We only went because it was too rainy to go to the Zoo.
2) visited Coney Island to walk the boardwalk, see the Cyclone (CJ hates roller coasters so we didn't actually ride it), and basically enjoy all of the seedy, run-down glory of yesteryear. It is a super-bizarre place, but the beach was beautiful (even if we didn't go in the water) and the aquarium was a lot of fun. Also fun? Watching CJ at the aquarium. He has two types of reaction to fish/aquatic animals:
a) Oooh, I would like to catch you and eat you, you are so delicious (he is a fisherman. Seriously. He has some major fishing poles). This was mostly said to snapper and groupers.
b) Look at how cool/beautiful/manueverable that thing is!
We spent about half an hour staring at the walruses (walrusi?), sadly none of them had a bucket. And I had to tear him away from the penguins. I actually thought that we were going to stand there watching that penguin hop from rock to rock for the rest of our natural lives.
3) Saw the Harry Potter movie. It was basically a mess. Beautifully shot, but super choppy, and missing CJ's favorite part of the book: when a brain attacks one of the death eaters. I am now impatiently waiting for 7 to come out so that my roommate can read it, and then I can steal it from her/one of my other friends. If anyone ruins it for me, I will kill them. No joke. I will actually kill them.
Things we did (mostly not so nine days appropriate, but I comforted myself with the fact that it was bittersweet, since I will never have time off again):
1) visited the Natural History Museum. The Butterfly Exhibit was closed, which sucked, and the Mythic Creatures "exhibit" is actually just a movie. That you have to pay extra for. LAME. We only went because it was too rainy to go to the Zoo.
2) visited Coney Island to walk the boardwalk, see the Cyclone (CJ hates roller coasters so we didn't actually ride it), and basically enjoy all of the seedy, run-down glory of yesteryear. It is a super-bizarre place, but the beach was beautiful (even if we didn't go in the water) and the aquarium was a lot of fun. Also fun? Watching CJ at the aquarium. He has two types of reaction to fish/aquatic animals:
a) Oooh, I would like to catch you and eat you, you are so delicious (he is a fisherman. Seriously. He has some major fishing poles). This was mostly said to snapper and groupers.
b) Look at how cool/beautiful/manueverable that thing is!
We spent about half an hour staring at the walruses (walrusi?), sadly none of them had a bucket. And I had to tear him away from the penguins. I actually thought that we were going to stand there watching that penguin hop from rock to rock for the rest of our natural lives.
3) Saw the Harry Potter movie. It was basically a mess. Beautifully shot, but super choppy, and missing CJ's favorite part of the book: when a brain attacks one of the death eaters. I am now impatiently waiting for 7 to come out so that my roommate can read it, and then I can steal it from her/one of my other friends. If anyone ruins it for me, I will kill them. No joke. I will actually kill them.
A Little Food Blogging
I was supposed to have a dinner date with my chevrusa*, so I made dinner. It's the nine days, and there is a paucity of good kosher vegetarian food, so it seemed the best option. Long story short, she didn't show up (due to a miscommunication with her mother), but I still made the dinner.
Vichyssoise (which always makes me think of the Vichy regime. Much tastier though):
Potato Leek Soup (Vichyssoise)
Recipe Courtesy of Cathy Lowe
I halved this recipe, and it turned out great. Thank G-d for immersion blenders.
3 tablespoons butter
3 cups leeks, sliced and washed
4 cups potatoes, peeled and diced
1 clove of garlic, diced
Salt and pepper
8 cups water
2 cup heavy cream (I used light cream, but you could also use whole milk)
In large pot melt butter. Add leeks (and garlic) and cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Add potatoes and season with salt and pepper. Add water and bring to a simmer. Cook until vegetables are tender. Place 3/4 of soup into a blender and puree (or use an immersion blender, less mess and much easier), return to pot and stir in cream. Serve hot or cold.
I also made a salad Nicoise (it was "soise" night), and garlic bread. Since my chevrusa never showed, the roommate and I had a romantic dinner together. Mmm romance.
*a chevrusa is a learning partner, usually you study Jewish texts together.
Vichyssoise (which always makes me think of the Vichy regime. Much tastier though):
Potato Leek Soup (Vichyssoise)
Recipe Courtesy of Cathy Lowe
I halved this recipe, and it turned out great. Thank G-d for immersion blenders.
3 tablespoons butter
3 cups leeks, sliced and washed
4 cups potatoes, peeled and diced
1 clove of garlic, diced
Salt and pepper
8 cups water
2 cup heavy cream (I used light cream, but you could also use whole milk)
In large pot melt butter. Add leeks (and garlic) and cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Add potatoes and season with salt and pepper. Add water and bring to a simmer. Cook until vegetables are tender. Place 3/4 of soup into a blender and puree (or use an immersion blender, less mess and much easier), return to pot and stir in cream. Serve hot or cold.
I also made a salad Nicoise (it was "soise" night), and garlic bread. Since my chevrusa never showed, the roommate and I had a romantic dinner together. Mmm romance.
*a chevrusa is a learning partner, usually you study Jewish texts together.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Back, But Busy
Hey everyone!
I missed you a lot and I'll tell you all about my vacation, as I'm sure you're dying to know. But first, I have ten bazillion things to catch up on at work. Today: work! Tomorrow: blogging!
XOXO,
Harley
I missed you a lot and I'll tell you all about my vacation, as I'm sure you're dying to know. But first, I have ten bazillion things to catch up on at work. Today: work! Tomorrow: blogging!
XOXO,
Harley
Absurdity of The Day
My younger brother and I don't really have a great relationship. He's going through what I call his "a**hole" phase.
Case in point? I called him to ask if he'd call our older brother to wish him a mazal tov on his engagement. This was the conversation:
Me: Hey kiddo, Pedant just got engaged. Can you give him a call to wish him a mazal tov?
Baby Brother: I'm really hung over (NB: this call was made at 10pm).
Me: Really? Now?
BB: Yeah, it's founders' day at my school. Can't I just send him a text message?
Me: NO! Seriously? Just give him a call.
He did eventually call. And then called back two hours later to ask if Pedant wanted to buy any magazine subscriptions for the fraternity fundraiser. Sweet.
At any rate, while cruising facebook, I found that my baby brother has added the 'top friends' function. It is very much like the section on MySpace where you list your top 5-10 friends. Lo, and behold, I have made it into his top 18 friends. I could not be more surprised.
Guess all my offers to help on papers/study for exams haven't gone awry after all.
Case in point? I called him to ask if he'd call our older brother to wish him a mazal tov on his engagement. This was the conversation:
Me: Hey kiddo, Pedant just got engaged. Can you give him a call to wish him a mazal tov?
Baby Brother: I'm really hung over (NB: this call was made at 10pm).
Me: Really? Now?
BB: Yeah, it's founders' day at my school. Can't I just send him a text message?
Me: NO! Seriously? Just give him a call.
He did eventually call. And then called back two hours later to ask if Pedant wanted to buy any magazine subscriptions for the fraternity fundraiser. Sweet.
At any rate, while cruising facebook, I found that my baby brother has added the 'top friends' function. It is very much like the section on MySpace where you list your top 5-10 friends. Lo, and behold, I have made it into his top 18 friends. I could not be more surprised.
Guess all my offers to help on papers/study for exams haven't gone awry after all.
In case you were wondering:
Leah Kauffman sang "Obama Girl" but the model in the video is Amber Lee Ettinger.
And according to WaPo there is a new "beef" video between Obama girl and Giuliani girl. Here's the trailer:
And according to WaPo there is a new "beef" video between Obama girl and Giuliani girl. Here's the trailer:
Shabbat Anecdote
One of my friends (and regular Shabbat guests) went out for drinks (with his coworkers) after work before coming to my Shabbat dinner.
He arrived a) drunk, b) with his shirt inside out, and c) bearing a chocolate babka.
It was basically amazing.
He arrived a) drunk, b) with his shirt inside out, and c) bearing a chocolate babka.
It was basically amazing.
Know Your Jewish Community: The Nine Days
The nine days are the days between the beginning of the month of Av, and the date when the temple in Jerusalem was destroyed.
I read an interesting piece in the shul bulletin this past Shabbat. It said that usually, Jewish mourning rituals go from more intense to less, the funeral, the seven days of shiva (stay in the house, no laundry, etc), then the 30 days of shloshim (no live music, no parties, no shaving), and the eleven months of saying kaddish (the Jewish prayer for the deceased). However, in the case of mourning for the temple in Jerusalem our mourning gets more and more intense. We start with the three weeks, then the nine days (where eating meat is forbidden, as is listening to live music, laundry, bathing for pleasure), and then the 9th of Av (which is a fast day).
I observe the nine days pretty stringently. I don't eat meat, I don't do laundry, listen to live music (or any music for that matter), or swim (that sucked when I was at camp). One of the other observances is to "refrain from purchasing anything that lifts your spirits." Ben-Yehudah of Esser Agaroth suggests that this means that we shouldn't buy the Harry Potter book until after the 9 days. Which sucks.
JoeSettler posts on the Muqata blog suggesting that a good 9 days activity is to attend the Cohanim and Leviim conference in Israel. Sadly, I am neither. A Mother in Israel has a "kosher cooking carnival" of foods that are permissable (read: not meat) during the nine days. Reb Barry Leff suggests that if you live in Israel, now is a good time to go out to your favorite meat restaurants, as they will be mostly empty. While I get what he's saying, I don't really know of anyone who keeps strictly kosher but eats meat during the nine days. Also, don't most meat restaurants change their menus and charge absurd prices? (Ahem, Estihana)
At any rate, there are a lot of blog posts about biblical stuff relating to the 1st of Av (like when Ezra arrived in Jerusalem from the Babylonian exile) or the torah readings for this week (courtesy of DownHome Davar Torah), but I woke up feeling like I got hit by a train, so I'll let you find them yourself.
I read an interesting piece in the shul bulletin this past Shabbat. It said that usually, Jewish mourning rituals go from more intense to less, the funeral, the seven days of shiva (stay in the house, no laundry, etc), then the 30 days of shloshim (no live music, no parties, no shaving), and the eleven months of saying kaddish (the Jewish prayer for the deceased). However, in the case of mourning for the temple in Jerusalem our mourning gets more and more intense. We start with the three weeks, then the nine days (where eating meat is forbidden, as is listening to live music, laundry, bathing for pleasure), and then the 9th of Av (which is a fast day).
I observe the nine days pretty stringently. I don't eat meat, I don't do laundry, listen to live music (or any music for that matter), or swim (that sucked when I was at camp). One of the other observances is to "refrain from purchasing anything that lifts your spirits." Ben-Yehudah of Esser Agaroth suggests that this means that we shouldn't buy the Harry Potter book until after the 9 days. Which sucks.
JoeSettler posts on the Muqata blog suggesting that a good 9 days activity is to attend the Cohanim and Leviim conference in Israel. Sadly, I am neither. A Mother in Israel has a "kosher cooking carnival" of foods that are permissable (read: not meat) during the nine days. Reb Barry Leff suggests that if you live in Israel, now is a good time to go out to your favorite meat restaurants, as they will be mostly empty. While I get what he's saying, I don't really know of anyone who keeps strictly kosher but eats meat during the nine days. Also, don't most meat restaurants change their menus and charge absurd prices? (Ahem, Estihana)
At any rate, there are a lot of blog posts about biblical stuff relating to the 1st of Av (like when Ezra arrived in Jerusalem from the Babylonian exile) or the torah readings for this week (courtesy of DownHome Davar Torah), but I woke up feeling like I got hit by a train, so I'll let you find them yourself.
Friday, July 13, 2007
What to do when a friendship is over?
I have a "good" friend that I've known for years. We became friends at camp, re-connected at college, and have been fairly close. The problem is that for a long time, she hasn't been a good friend to me.
When we were in college, she told a number of people (really everyone of our acquaintance) that I'm not friendly. That's not actually true. I'm very friendly, I'll chat with anyone, and I try very hard to be civil on all occasions. However, just because I enjoy someone's company, does not mean that I consider them a friend. At any rate, I found this to be a very unpleasant experience, especially when people began to repeat it back to me. "Oh, I'm so surprised that you're nice, I heard that you weren't friendly."
This woman is also awful at listening. When we have one of our (infrequent) phone conversations, she never wants to listen to what I have to say, instead she insists on talking about her significant other, their problems, etc. She wants me to tell her that she's doing the right thing always, and refuses to hear any other advice. The reason that our phone calls are infrequent is that directly after college she moved to another city; for the first few months I called her regularly, and found that while she was happy to chat, she never called me/inquired about me. So I stopped.
Fast forward a bit, and now she's moving back to NYC. She hasn't really kept in touch with any of her friends, so she feels a bit cut adrift, and is now trying to rely on me for social opportunities. I haven't been so helpful. However, she basically invited herself to one of my Shabbat meals, and I couldn't get out of it.
What do I do? I don't enjoy spending time with her, I find her selfish and immature, and I hate her boyfriend. The upstairs neighbor suggested that I'm being "wenchy" for not just telling her that I don't like her anymore. But that seems unnecessarily cruel, when really I've just outgrown her.
I was phasing her out, but now that she's back in New York she's clinging to me like lichen. Do I just suck it up and see her occasionally? Or do I say something?
When we were in college, she told a number of people (really everyone of our acquaintance) that I'm not friendly. That's not actually true. I'm very friendly, I'll chat with anyone, and I try very hard to be civil on all occasions. However, just because I enjoy someone's company, does not mean that I consider them a friend. At any rate, I found this to be a very unpleasant experience, especially when people began to repeat it back to me. "Oh, I'm so surprised that you're nice, I heard that you weren't friendly."
This woman is also awful at listening. When we have one of our (infrequent) phone conversations, she never wants to listen to what I have to say, instead she insists on talking about her significant other, their problems, etc. She wants me to tell her that she's doing the right thing always, and refuses to hear any other advice. The reason that our phone calls are infrequent is that directly after college she moved to another city; for the first few months I called her regularly, and found that while she was happy to chat, she never called me/inquired about me. So I stopped.
Fast forward a bit, and now she's moving back to NYC. She hasn't really kept in touch with any of her friends, so she feels a bit cut adrift, and is now trying to rely on me for social opportunities. I haven't been so helpful. However, she basically invited herself to one of my Shabbat meals, and I couldn't get out of it.
What do I do? I don't enjoy spending time with her, I find her selfish and immature, and I hate her boyfriend. The upstairs neighbor suggested that I'm being "wenchy" for not just telling her that I don't like her anymore. But that seems unnecessarily cruel, when really I've just outgrown her.
I was phasing her out, but now that she's back in New York she's clinging to me like lichen. Do I just suck it up and see her occasionally? Or do I say something?
Thursday, July 12, 2007
This is Magic
This guy has a blog called "That's my girl, asshole" where he responds to craigslist missed connections with that basic phrase.
He might be my hero. At any rate, it's a new productivity assassin... enjoy!
He might be my hero. At any rate, it's a new productivity assassin... enjoy!
The Censored Eleven
I just saw this for the first time (thanks Slate) and I was totally flabbergasted. After reading some of the reader commentary it seemed pretty clear that this cartoon (Coal Black and the Sebben Dwarves) was entirely racist.
But then I read the wikipedia article. It made a couple points of which I was unaware, which really put the cartoon into perspective:
1)It was made during wartime, and not for children (aka it was propaganda). This explains why the queen is hording coffee and sugar and tires, the anti-Japanese comment, and all of the army references.
2)Duke Ellington was one of the people who suggested an all-black musical cartoon to Bob Clampett and co.
3) It was one of the first cartoons to have black cast and crew involved in the creation. Dorothy Dandridge's mother and sister (popular radio actresses) voiced some characters.
4) The use of extreme stereotyping and absurdity is a common staple in cartoons. Think back to any Disney movie you've ever watched. Generally the male and female lead look pretty normal (if attractive). The supporting characters are often either ridiculously tall or short, or fat or thing, or strangely colored. So on and so forth. Bob Clampett used "darky iconography" a popular visual vernacular of the time, in the place of another extreme.
For the record, while I'm not saying that it isn't racist (it clearly is), but that it's clearly a product of its time, and within that context it is fascinating. It's a great historical document, in addition to being a great cartoon. By great I am referring to the direction, music, and skill of imagery, rather than the content itself.
If it were about Jews, would I be offended? Yeah. And that might hurt my ability to objectively judge the quality of the cartoon, or its historical importance. But that doesn't mean that it is valueless. Plenty of things offend me that have great value.
If you want another view of this, read Milton Gray's essay on the topic. He deconstructs the cartoon and gives some interesting background information.
Best Advice-Seeker EVER
From Margo Howard (daughter of Ann Landers):
DEAR MARGO:
I recently turned to the Christian religion out of a need to find solace, comfort and recovery from my past. It has helped me in more ways than I can count, more than any therapy or counseling, and I have come to take it quite seriously. The problem is my husband. I was once a stripper and call girl, plus I drank heavily, and ironically those were the very things he loved about me. Of course he loved me as a person, but because of my newfound convictions, I informed him that I would no longer engage in pornography, heavy drinking and partying with our friends.
I know this was a shock and a hurt to him, and he doesn't know where to go with it. (My conversion has not affected my desire for true intimacy or enjoying it with him.) Lately he has become hostile and makes fun of me, and encourages our friends to do so. He claims that I have been brainwashed and am no fun anymore. I guess I can see why.
We have been married 10 years and have no children, and I had hoped to have them soon, but if it looks like a divorce is in the cards, obviously, we shouldn't. I have also had to find another job, as my associates have not been able to handle "what has come over me." Though I am not ashamed, I want to leave it behind. My main concern is that I may have to leave my husband behind, also.
--- DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN FLORIDA
DEAR DON'T:
Actually, I think you do know what to do. The problem is that your husband married a stripper and call girl, and that person is no longer around. I think your new choices are commendable and will bring you a satisfying future (with someone who is not looking for a stripper and call girl).
It's a good thing Florida is a no-fault state when it comes to divorce, because naming Jesus as a co-respondent might have been a first.
--- MARGO, ADMIRINGLY
DEAR MARGO:
I recently turned to the Christian religion out of a need to find solace, comfort and recovery from my past. It has helped me in more ways than I can count, more than any therapy or counseling, and I have come to take it quite seriously. The problem is my husband. I was once a stripper and call girl, plus I drank heavily, and ironically those were the very things he loved about me. Of course he loved me as a person, but because of my newfound convictions, I informed him that I would no longer engage in pornography, heavy drinking and partying with our friends.
I know this was a shock and a hurt to him, and he doesn't know where to go with it. (My conversion has not affected my desire for true intimacy or enjoying it with him.) Lately he has become hostile and makes fun of me, and encourages our friends to do so. He claims that I have been brainwashed and am no fun anymore. I guess I can see why.
We have been married 10 years and have no children, and I had hoped to have them soon, but if it looks like a divorce is in the cards, obviously, we shouldn't. I have also had to find another job, as my associates have not been able to handle "what has come over me." Though I am not ashamed, I want to leave it behind. My main concern is that I may have to leave my husband behind, also.
--- DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN FLORIDA
DEAR DON'T:
Actually, I think you do know what to do. The problem is that your husband married a stripper and call girl, and that person is no longer around. I think your new choices are commendable and will bring you a satisfying future (with someone who is not looking for a stripper and call girl).
It's a good thing Florida is a no-fault state when it comes to divorce, because naming Jesus as a co-respondent might have been a first.
--- MARGO, ADMIRINGLY
I want to buy a hat
Not just any hat, but a specific one.
I met a friend for dinner last night, and since he works later than I do, I wandered around for a bit until it was time to take the subway (this was pre-Typhoon last night). During my meanderings I found a really cute hat. An inexpensive, really cute hat. I tried it on, and it looked terrific.
So, what's the problem? Hats are a loaded symbol in observant Judaism. Many women cover their hair after marriage, and choose to do so with hats or scarves or wigs (I will NOT be wearing a wig, I agree with Rabbi Riskin on this one). As a result of this, many young woman avoid wearing hats, because it might lead people to mistakenly assume that they are married (and what if you meet your soulmate, but you're wearing a hat, and he thinks that you're taken? You totally missed your chance. That was it, now you'll die alone.) Same thing with broad headbands (often used to secure wigs).
Also, it sends the statement "I am preparing for marriage." As in "I will get married soon, so I better stock up on hats."
So, to recap, I can't buy a cute hat because a) it might make people think that I'm married, or b) it'll freak out my boyfriend*.
Lame.
* One of my soon-to-be-married friends offered to let me store hats at her house until the time comes.
I met a friend for dinner last night, and since he works later than I do, I wandered around for a bit until it was time to take the subway (this was pre-Typhoon last night). During my meanderings I found a really cute hat. An inexpensive, really cute hat. I tried it on, and it looked terrific.
So, what's the problem? Hats are a loaded symbol in observant Judaism. Many women cover their hair after marriage, and choose to do so with hats or scarves or wigs (I will NOT be wearing a wig, I agree with Rabbi Riskin on this one). As a result of this, many young woman avoid wearing hats, because it might lead people to mistakenly assume that they are married (and what if you meet your soulmate, but you're wearing a hat, and he thinks that you're taken? You totally missed your chance. That was it, now you'll die alone.) Same thing with broad headbands (often used to secure wigs).
Also, it sends the statement "I am preparing for marriage." As in "I will get married soon, so I better stock up on hats."
So, to recap, I can't buy a cute hat because a) it might make people think that I'm married, or b) it'll freak out my boyfriend*.
Lame.
* One of my soon-to-be-married friends offered to let me store hats at her house until the time comes.
Know Your Jewish Community: Grieving
Recently a number of people who have written in to Ask Amy (their first mistake) about grief etiquette. You see, they have lost someone, and some of their friends/family haven't said anything to them at all, or acknowledged the loss.
Amy says: "People don't intend to wound you or make your loss more difficult through their inaction. They're just doing what people do best: nothing."
I agree with her first point, that the people don't intend to hurt the mourner, but I firmly disagree with the second. I know (from personal experience) that often when someone makes an overture to a mourner the conversation ends up being about the overture maker. They want the mourner to acknowledge their grief, or to comfort them, or a million other things. Other people say nothing because they don't know what to say, or because they don't want to impose themselves on the mourner.
I fully support this last course of action. I'm fairly private about my emotions (blog notwithstanding), I don't like to show them in public, because I think that it shows a lack of control. I also don't like to be touched, so those hugs that some people think are helpful, really make uncomfortable. And I'm sure that I'm not the only one that feels this way. I'd rather be seen as cold than intrusive.
At any rate, I think that Judaism backs me up on this one. If you go to pay a shiva call*, you're supposed to wait until the mourner speaks to you, and then to let them take charge of the conversation. One of the worst things to do is to force them to talk about "their feelings." You can support them in other ways, by bringing food, so that they don't have to cook, by running their errands, or in some cases in-kind donations of labor or services.
I understand that this poor woman from Ask Amy has lost a great deal in the last few years, and that she is lonely and in need of support, but she should ask for it, as no one is a mind reader. And instead of assuming that the friends are lazy or careless, maybe that they are trying to give her some space and let her direct the relationship to fit her needs.
*Shiva call, during the first seven days after a funeral, the immediate family sits "shiva" (meaning seven) in a house. They don't leave, and the community is responsible for providing services for them (such as bringing food, providing enough people for a prayer quorum so that the mourners can recite the mourners' prayer) and visiting during this time. It is part of the very structured grief rituals of Judaism, which start with the funeral and go on for an entire year. Each designed to help the mourner re-acclimate to society, while recognizing their grief and loss.
Amy says: "People don't intend to wound you or make your loss more difficult through their inaction. They're just doing what people do best: nothing."
I agree with her first point, that the people don't intend to hurt the mourner, but I firmly disagree with the second. I know (from personal experience) that often when someone makes an overture to a mourner the conversation ends up being about the overture maker. They want the mourner to acknowledge their grief, or to comfort them, or a million other things. Other people say nothing because they don't know what to say, or because they don't want to impose themselves on the mourner.
I fully support this last course of action. I'm fairly private about my emotions (blog notwithstanding), I don't like to show them in public, because I think that it shows a lack of control. I also don't like to be touched, so those hugs that some people think are helpful, really make uncomfortable. And I'm sure that I'm not the only one that feels this way. I'd rather be seen as cold than intrusive.
At any rate, I think that Judaism backs me up on this one. If you go to pay a shiva call*, you're supposed to wait until the mourner speaks to you, and then to let them take charge of the conversation. One of the worst things to do is to force them to talk about "their feelings." You can support them in other ways, by bringing food, so that they don't have to cook, by running their errands, or in some cases in-kind donations of labor or services.
I understand that this poor woman from Ask Amy has lost a great deal in the last few years, and that she is lonely and in need of support, but she should ask for it, as no one is a mind reader. And instead of assuming that the friends are lazy or careless, maybe that they are trying to give her some space and let her direct the relationship to fit her needs.
*Shiva call, during the first seven days after a funeral, the immediate family sits "shiva" (meaning seven) in a house. They don't leave, and the community is responsible for providing services for them (such as bringing food, providing enough people for a prayer quorum so that the mourners can recite the mourners' prayer) and visiting during this time. It is part of the very structured grief rituals of Judaism, which start with the funeral and go on for an entire year. Each designed to help the mourner re-acclimate to society, while recognizing their grief and loss.
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