Thursday, September 27, 2007

Dear Women of New York,

Stop wearing tent dresses! They are unflattering and unattractive! Just STOP! Don't look at me all saucily like that. You know what I'm talking about and, secretly, you agree.

I know, I know. It's hard. When Fashion says it's right, it's so hard to say it's wrong. I feel your pain. I know the siren call of fashions that will never suit my body, of formal shorts and skinny jeans. I feel your pain, I do.
But here's a hint: if it makes the model look preggers, it's not going to look good on you.

See how her eyes are downcast, as if to say, "Oh no! What was I thinking when I put on this dress? You can't even tell I have a figure under here. I could be smuggling the Hindenburg under here."

It's time to stand up for yourselves, women of New York. Stand up for yourselves and shout from the rooftops: I refuse to wear something that someone could mistake for a muu-muu! I refuse to walk around in what may be misconstrued as camping equipment! I refuse to be mistaken for a giant toilet roll cover!

Thank you for your time. Damn the man; save the Empire [waist].



rokhl said...

Although this dress will probably make you look like a cow, I believe the correct spelling is "muu-muu". And what are they gonna push on us next- judges robes and house coats? Eep!

harley said...

Noted and fixed. Thanks, Rohkl!

Smeliana said...

I made a similar rant on Valentine's Day '06.

Noah said...

You're totally fucking right! Those dresses make girls look pregnant!

I say it all the time. I'm not a fashion expert and I'm a guy, but I know what I like and that ain't working.

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