Dear Carolyn:
I'm getting married soon. One of my groomsmen has a friend I'm acquainted with who can be charming but occasionally seems to relish embarrassing people or making a scene --especially when he's had too much to drink. My fiancee and I struggled over whether to invite him but decided that since I really only know him through my groomsman, it wasn't that much of an issue. I heard he was hurt when a save-the-date didn't arrive, but that was to be expected. That groomsman, however, may be getting married in the near future, and it's a safe bet he'd ask me -- and the oft-embarrassing friend -- to stand with him. Doing the social calculus on the situation makes my brain want to explode.
Invitation Anxiety
Your brain just may go for it, 15 years from now, when you remember how much you cared 15 years ago about wedding-invitation calculus. In the meantime, have confidence in your non-issue ruling. His not being a close friend is ample grounds for courteous exclusion. Just promise me that, when you meet this guy at your friend's altar, you won't launch into an unsolicited explanation session a la, "I'm sorry we couldn't invite you. It was a really small wedding blah blah gak." People on the receiving end of these generally think, "That's okay, we don't like you, either," and simply find the willpower not to say it. In the acquaintanceship rings of a social circle, non-invitations are a fact of life and should be treated as such.
You see, I don't care if I am not invited to the weddings of my acquaintances. In fact, I relish it. That means one fewer person to invite to my own (hypothetical) nuptuals. This has become especially relevant lately, as I am knee-deep in wedding season (as we speak/type? I am trying to find a way to modest-ize the dress a dear friend has chosen for her bridal party) and I am forced to confront my ideas about what makes a good wedding. You see, I want a small wedding, a none-too-fancy dress, and I want the event to be fun for my guests, not an expensive chore.
The black is "photo-shopped" in, and by that I mean "crudely added with microsoft paint." Not bad, though. The difficult part is to actually achieve that with cloth. Maybe bodypaint counts for tzniut? I'm covered, right?Also I want a rally monkey. CJ just explained the concept to me last night, and I really want one. I'd give up a lot in order to have a rally monkey at my wedding. I think that it would really improve the energy.
4 comments:
Looks like you need a shrug
In order to tie in comments I would have made on the previous post, have Harley make you a snies shrug out of donuts. Right? That would totally work, yes? And, if you get bored during the aramaic parts of the ceremony, you can always have a nibble.
Eh, shrugs only go so far, and don't look so formal, especially not at non-Jewish weddings, where the expectations for outfits are different.
And I am not making one out of donuts.
She's trying to discourage people from oggling her and drooling, not smother herself in tempting, irresistable, distracting dessert.
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