The following is confidential, to my love, Gary Gulman. Please, read no further.
Dear Gary ,
You are very handsome and funny. When I saw you at the Comedy Cellar last week, I felt we made a personal connection. You said I should stick with my date, because being single sucks, but I could tell that you truly meant that we should be together. I saw the longing in your eyes; please don't deny it. Although you are very tall and I am very short, I would buy a step stool to be closer to you. I would even invest in platforms. You seemed surprised when I noted that I was Jewish, but I promise you that I am not lying in order to get into your good graces. I may be a bit of a radical, but I make matzo ball soup and cholent with the best of them (actually, I have never made cholent, but if you dig it, I will learn). Really, you look too thin. You need to eat more, to keep up your comedic strength. Also, I would help you keep those well-muscled arms massaged and those luscious brown locks out of your eyes. Call me. Seriously.