I have a "good" friend that I've known for years. We became friends at camp, re-connected at college, and have been fairly close. The problem is that for a long time, she hasn't been a good friend to me.
When we were in college, she told a number of people (really everyone of our acquaintance) that I'm not friendly. That's not actually true. I'm very friendly, I'll chat with anyone, and I try very hard to be civil on all occasions. However, just because I enjoy someone's company, does not mean that I consider them a friend. At any rate, I found this to be a very unpleasant experience, especially when people began to repeat it back to me. "Oh, I'm so surprised that you're nice, I heard that you weren't friendly."
This woman is also awful at listening. When we have one of our (infrequent) phone conversations, she never wants to listen to what I have to say, instead she insists on talking about her significant other, their problems, etc. She wants me to tell her that she's doing the right thing always, and refuses to hear any other advice. The reason that our phone calls are infrequent is that directly after college she moved to another city; for the first few months I called her regularly, and found that while she was happy to chat, she never called me/inquired about me. So I stopped.
Fast forward a bit, and now she's moving back to NYC. She hasn't really kept in touch with any of her friends, so she feels a bit cut adrift, and is now trying to rely on me for social opportunities. I haven't been so helpful. However, she basically invited herself to one of my Shabbat meals, and I couldn't get out of it.
What do I do? I don't enjoy spending time with her, I find her selfish and immature, and I hate her boyfriend. The upstairs neighbor suggested that I'm being "wenchy" for not just telling her that I don't like her anymore. But that seems unnecessarily cruel, when really I've just outgrown her.
I was phasing her out, but now that she's back in New York she's clinging to me like lichen. Do I just suck it up and see her occasionally? Or do I say something?