Thursday, October 05, 2006

Jews Love: Penitence Foods

In honor of Heeb's food issue I've decided to compile a list of what my older brother refers to as "Penitence foods." Life was short and brutal in the Old Country: it was a toss-up whether you'd be killed by pogroms or heart disease.

5) Gribenes: fried chicken skin. That'll kill you right quick. Probably fried in animal fat. Did I mention that I used to be a vegetarian?

4) Gefilte Fish: literally means filled or stuffed fish, and is made from whitefish or carp, it is deboned, ground up, mixed with egg, matzo meal, carrots, sugar, salt, pepper and a number of other "secret" ingredients, shaped into a loaf and baked. MMM. If you get it from a can or a jar, not sure what that clear jelly stuff is, but I'm pretty sure that it is lethal.

3) Schmaltz: pure, rendered chicken fat. They sell it in jars at my supermarket. Don't worry, I'll spare you that image.

2)Chopped Liver: someone must like this, as it is ALWAYS served at my house on Passover. My mom is a vegetarian. What is she thinking? Also, didn't the members of some Arctic expedition die from eating seal livers? I think that there is a lesson to be learned there.

1)Pickled Herring: possibly the grossest thing that I can think of. Let's take some fish, smoke it, and then put it in a jar with cream sauce. Who thought that THAT was a good idea? In addition to the taste drawbacks it is salty, fatty, and creamy, the trifecta of bad for you.


Benjamin J. Cooper said...

1) I love pickled herring in cream sauce. What is wrong with you?

2) Chopped liver is super-yummy. Also, seals have livers that are toxically high in vitamin D. Cows do not. This is why seals are not kosher.

3) I've made grebnes, and they are also pretty tasty.

AnnieGetYour said...

Ew. Nothing is wrong with me I am a modern Jew, I like Israeli food, not the foods of our old country. When will you learn to throw off the shackles of the oppressive Yiddish culture?

Just kidding. Eat whatever gross food you want.

Benjamin J. Cooper said...

When I said "penitence foods of the Old Country," I meant stuff like calf's foot jelly or various turnip concoctions that, not only would you only think of if you were poor in Eastern Europe, but wouldn't eat UNLESS you were poor in Eastern Europe.

Slivovitz is included. Tasty things like gefilte fish are not.