Friday, October 20, 2006

Life-long Commitment

I’ve already alluded to the one life-long commitment that I’m willing to make: to The Washington Post. To give you an idea of the depths of this commitment, when I was younger and I got in trouble, my parents punished me by taking away my paper privileges. That’s right: I was forbidden from reading The Washington Post for weeks at a time. Among the columnists that I read regularly, I am addicted to Carolyn Hax’s advice column (and live discussion). She has very emphatic views on about online dating, which she elaborated on in today’s column:

Online, there's no community investment. The reach and anonymity of the Web allow people to act like jerks without the normal social consequence of alienating the people they live, work and play with. Not everyone online will do this, but everyone can, and so some do. Some, too, are just trying to hide from social challenges, but that doesn't work either, as you've found. Lower thy expectations, drastically. Or, if that's too unappealing a thought, go back to dating off-line.

Her advice brought incited two trains of thought:

1) Given the cohesiveness and size of the Jewish community, are Jewish bloggers safe from the social consequence of alienating the people with whom they live, work, and play? I have seen some vitriol online and I have also witnessed the real world consequences of poorly thought out responses. To the extent that we feel anonymous, because our community (although often internally divided) is so small, inevitably, we will encounter those we patronize online. Those people we alienate may be our fellow congregants, fellow Jews in the Woods, fellow YU grads, fellow aunt’s cantor’s brother-in-law. In a similar vein, do online Jewish interactions substitute for real, live Jewish interactions? Is a virtual Jewish community the same as a real, flesh and blood Jewish community?

2) Jewish dating online! Now recently single, I have been inundated with the natural predators of the Jewish world: older Jewish women who know that their nephew is just perfect for me. Really. We’re besheret. Excellent. My personal life aside, there is not one single Jewish person I know who has not at some point tried J-Date (myself excluded). And of course, blogging about online J-dating proliferates, but the only site you really need to visit is Esther Kustanowitz’s JDaters Anonymous (also visit her other sites because she funny and insightful). For a more advice-based site, visit the Single Dating Service, which offers such useful advice as How to write an interesting personal profile and How to end a relationship


AnnieGetYour said...

This isn't about patriarchy, I feel lied to.

Also I haven't tried Jdate. I was on frumster though.

harley said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
harley said...

Speaking of dating: Jvoices

Dating-Guru said...


I recently published an article on the complexities of dating in general and blind dating and online dating in particular – here is a quote from it, in case you are interested:

How to create your profile?
1. Make a realistic profile. Try to show your best qualities without lying about something you are not. Try to find out what exactly appreciate the other at you;
2. List the most important features you expect your partner to have, but don’t exaggerate, just stick to the real life;
3. Learn to recognize a cheater from a sincere person by reading that person’s profile or by asking a set of questions that would reveal that person’s ego;
4. Start by chatting with more than one person;
5. Try to communicate with that person in an open manner;
6. Study the other’s profiles to help your create a more attractive profile for yourself;
7. Save yourself if necessary and don’t let these kind of virtual reality seize you completely. Give yourself more options in your life and consider virtual reality as one of the many, and not the only way.

If you feel this helps, please drop by my website for additional dating tips and resources such as body language tips or additional resources on dating mistakes .



Esther Kustanowitz said...

Wow, thanks for the endorsement...sorry you're recently single, not because singlehood is so awful (although sometimes it is), but because of the "nephew situation." Believe me, I know...

Anyway, thanks for visiting and recommending JDaters Anonymous. Make sure to change your links to the new URL...

Benjamin J. Cooper said...

I have never used J-Date. I used the less humiliating "let my sister set me up with people she knows" service, which has worked well for me.

But while we're on the subject, I saw an ad for this website in a piece of job hunting junk mail:

Lawyers In Love.

No, really.

What really got me laughing was the ad used the "peeking Justice" graphic from midway down the page that looks like it was drawn by someone's friend who really liked anime in college. I have a bunch of those friends, and I know how they draw.

Also, the whole concept of the website. It's like Frumster, only more of a shtetl.

AnnieGetYour said...

Ben- that is almost as silly as those online dating services for millionaires.

Also, I am a big fan of setting up one's siblings. If only my brother/s would do that for me.